THE MORNING AFTER
I hate the term ‘Walk of Shame’ because when I’ve wandered home after a fun night with a man I’ve invariably felt on cloud nine – giddy and satisfied, not shameful and sheepish. Nonetheless, on these occasions I have not looked great. There have been times when, having been invited out for eggs and bacon the following morning, I’ve spent the whole time covering the dry, flaky skin on my chin with my hand, and hastily rubbed off smudged mascara using a fry-up knife as a mirror. An entirely spontaneous shag is hard to plan for (this is why it’s good to end up in your own bathroom), but for a big date that is likely to end well, packing a small survival kit means you can extend to brunch the next morning – or even the following week. Shove it in your bag (another reason why tiny clutches are useless) and you’re sorted.
Hadley Freeman’s ‘Every Dating Guide You’ll Ever Need’ (taken – and edited – from Be Awesome: Modern Life for Modern Ladies)
‘With the help of this little guide, you’ll see that you won’t have to change anything about yourself to get your man, other than your behaviour, personality, natural desires and looks. Once you do all that, you can have ANY man eating out of your hand. Yes, I said ANY man. The only stress you’re going to have in your life now is … which guy to choose!
First of all, how to meet this special someone? You need to break out of your usual social circle as that pond is too small for you to fish in – aim for the ocean! Give internet dating a go – honestly, EVERYONE’S doing it these days (except anyone who ever advocates that you try it) and how about joining an evening class? Not a girly one like ‘vegetarian cooking’ or ‘beginners French’ because you’ll only meet girls and gays there, which would be a total waste of your time and money. Be ruthless and choose ones that don’t interest you at all but sound hot and hetero, like ‘car maintenance’ and ‘how to make your own app’. But also bear in mind that when you meet someone that way there is a risk that you’ll have nothing at all in common, especially if you met him in an evening class that doesn’t interest you at all or on some internet site where decisions are based purely on aesthetics. Read more…
Since no one marries the girl/boy next door any more, chances are you’ll need a date or two to track down the elusive ‘one’. (Or ‘two’. Or ‘three’. We’re all going to live until we’re at least 110, which is a long time to live with just the one.)
Nothing is more terrifying than first-date nerves: the combination of choosing an appropriate outfit (the leopard-print boots? the sequinned dress? the smoky eyes?), navigating conversational topics and dusting off your best flirtatious behaviour seems to turn the most assured of us into quivering wrecks. You stutter your way through the first fifteen minutes of conversation, grateful for the bar’s low lighting (the sequinned dress was a mistake), until the first few boozy gulps kick in, cranking your dating prowess up a notch. In your dreams. Read more…