4th Estate

 Orlando’s Gap Yah Book Touah!!

This has literally been the most glamorous and exotic book tour imaginable; London, Oxford, Norwich. I was hoping Fourth Estate would also send me out to Tanzanah in Africah, but apparently the number of extra books I could sell out thah ‘wouldn’t warrant the cost’ of sending me. I was as surprised as anyone, but then I was told people could just get a signed book in the UK and then bring it out on their gap yah. These publishers think of everything. Besides, I had just come back from Tanzanah anyway (went there on my gap yah – rentals footed the bill…) so I probs didn’t need to go again. In fact, I’d been to most places in the world, recently – Australiah, Africah, South Americah, South East Asiah, Indyah, basically, like, everywah. So maybe it was time I did some exploring, but not in the foreign, in the UK.

The first event was in London, but not in Fulham, the home of the bants, as one might expect. It was in Gower Street, next to that great institution of lash n’ learn (booze + scholarship = university), UCL. University College London was founded in the nineteenth century by people inspired by the writings of the philosopher Jeremy Bentham. Bentham, or Bezzah as he’s affectionately known by students is still to be seen in the cloisters of UCL, where his preserved corpse is kept in a glass box. My hope was that through speaking to the students of UCL, I could be so inspirational to them that they would one day preserve my corpse and put in a box next to Bentham. Also next to Gower Street is SOAS, the School of Oriental and Africahn Studies, so I knew there would be a crowd eager to learn of my travels. I would imagine I certainly improved their knowledge of Africah, yah. As Paris Hilton once said “I love Africa in general. South Africa and West Africa – they are both great countries”. I imparted this wisdom to the SOAS and UCL students, so it was seriously important work, but it was also totes fun. Totes lovely book shop.

The next natural location to educate people about the world was obviously Oxford, and they needed so much that I did two events, one at Blackwells and the other at Waterstones. I think the Oxford students and academics learnt a lot from me, as there were some gasps when I told them certain things. The book has loads of amazing facts in, and the ones about the duck-billed platypus went down a storm.

Finally, the natural next step for any banterous tour of the UK is Norwich, and so it was for me. Had a Nando’s on my own. It was pretty Rock n’ Roll… There was also wine at the book signing. Loved it so much that I enquired if the castle was for sale. It wasn’t.